Five years ago, I paced a waiting are at the University of Alabama at Birmingham, aware that the cancer my husband was battling was still treatable as we prepared for a stem-cell transplant. We fully expected him to survive. As I waited for him to get a comprehensive CT to advise how to treat the rare, non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma developed from chemical exposure at Keesler Air Force Base where he faithfully served our country, I texted my best friend. I knew we’d been delivered a harsh blow as his stem cell transplant would have to rely on donor cells, but still, there was hope. I said,

“There’s always light in the dark.”

Less than an hour later, only 15 minutes after assuring me that this kind of thing was treatable—they did it all of the time, pulled me to the side and said, “We need to talk.”

The cancer had gone too far, and my husband, my soul mate, truly, was not going to survive, and there was nothing they could do. In that moment, the light went out.

I stood by my husband’s side until the end, and at 5:41 AM on Monday, August 5, 2019, after having a vision of our precious son Jude who was stillborn at 33 weeks at 7:34 AM wherein he told him that he was going to be with him, that he was sick, Sean Delcambre ascended at age 34. I knew his soul was reuniting with the collective, and while I was grateful he was no longer suffering, I came unmoored.

Sean was the anchor to my storm. I wouldn’t learn until much later that I had undiagnosed borderline personality disorder as well as ADHD and ASD. But above all, what I really realized was that I had no toolkit. I was still laden with limiting beliefs, a negative inner dialogue, perfectionistic tendencies, mountains of shame and guilt, an eating disorder, and alcohol use disorder. All at once. It was my lowest point.

I lost the will to live. On the winter solstice in 2019, I wrote my first suicide note. It wouldn’t be the first time I wanted to end my life. Because of my codependence and selfish need to not be alone, I started dating far too soon to an avoidant man who exhibited covert narcissistic tendencies throughout the duration of what would be a 4.5 year relationship that ended on May 5, 2024 when he discarded me. I was ready.

Despite the odds, throughout those five years, I started to heal myself. I did “the work”, and that’s what I want to share with you.

I realized that I DO deserve love and kindness and abundance and success and everything my wild heart desires. And my heart—she’s wild.

And guess what? YOU deserve that, too. We are all beings, we are all souls, and each one of our souls is valuable, but we tend to layer on the “humanness” of things, don’t we?

On my first solo international trip during my breakup, I got a memorial tattoo for my son Jude, my sunshine daughter, and my two rainbow daughters. I was inspired by the hummingbirds at La Sirena in Roatan (pictured in the upcoming photo gallery). I’d known the quote that I’d have on my inner right forearm, the one I cut when the emotional tumult of my relationship became too much—an aspect of borderline is turning your inward pain on yourself—and I put it there because I will never turn against the wonder that is me again. I will never disrespect my body in such a hurtful way. If it hurts you to read I was so despondent, know that when you hurt, so do I.

Whether you are a Christian, a Buddhist, a Muslim, or of another faith, you surely know that we are part of the same universal soul that unites all of us, which you may know as God or Allah or the universe or the highest power or the highest authority or the Collective. While I was raised Christian, I identify as a spiritualist because I feel that labels prohibit us from truly seeing one another. The Babel parable is not a literal expression that we cannot understand each other because of linguistics—we do not understand each other because we become so enmeshed in constructs and labels and beliefs and assumptions, that are often driven by fear.

My friends—in the course of five years by learning to take accountability, to love myself, to express gratitude in all things, to take the lessons hurtful things give me with gratitude, and simply showing up, I was able to change my life in spite of my circumstances. I am even grateful to my former partner of half a decade for he taught me so much about how to be and who I am and who I want to be.

As I recovered myself, I started to dial into my highest purpose. When I started writing on Substack under Surthrival, it was to help people build a toolkit, so they wouldn’t sink to the depths I did in terms of my desire to live (for the longest time, when I was enmeshed in shadow that first year after my husband’s death, I was living for my kids. I wanted to leave the party, but they needed a chaperone. I lived out of love for them.). Love is what carried me through. At first it was love for my girls, then I did learn to love myself.

I said,

“Amy, if you’re going to live, you may as well create the life that you want.”

I got to work. I had a few things that I had held onto throughout my life—one was an elopement or a proposal on a moonlit cliff overlooking the Mediterranean. The other is a villa on the Amalfi coast with one of those exquisite arced white balconies with gauzy curtains fluttering in the salty warm breeze as I swanned around my room, painting or writing. The stairs will be stone and very old. The kitchen is also small and old and quaint, but it’s perfect because in this vision, it’s just me, and I want for nothing. I ride my bicycle along paved roads to gather produce and groceries. I take strolls and enjoy coffee at cafes. I get my wine from local vineyards. I have friends and a large wood dining table, and we gather and laugh often. This is where I want to end up—creating and living and serving in relative comfort and quiettude. Of course, there will be space for all of my books.

This is how I see myself. This is the dream—to create, to serve, and to live, and as I imagined this I thought, “This is how we all should live.”

So, my dreams for myself expanded to include other people for we are all equally deserving, and I do want to reach the top, to live among the stars, to experience the bliss promised in sacred texts of wisdom and truth. And because we are all equal, you deserve that, too.

I have discovered the truth, and it has always been available. The biggest hurdle to that is you. It’s your mind, and I was disbelieving when I first came to this awareness, but I have walked the walk, and now let me talk the talk.

You know where I came from, now let me tell you where I am now. My process, which I break down and coach you through in the 90-Days to Discover Your Highest Purpose course will help you overcome limiting beliefs, teach you to use meditation and the powers of your mind to heal child wounds and existing hurt, to believe in yourself, to express gratitude in all things, and to literally live your most blissful life. You will become the exact person you always desired to be, and you will, as I did, be able to set healthy, firm, emotional and physical boundaries that truly serve you and that will enable you to learn to manifest your destiny. I will also explain how you are already manifesting (we do it all of the time without knowing it), and will help give you strategies for how to make that skill work for you during this 90-day program.

In the more advanced 85 Days to Manifest Your Destiny course, you will learn what to do and not to do in manifesting (I literally attracted a bunch of stalkers who are adamantly opposed to my outspoken stance on narcissistic abuse—zero stars, would not recommend). You will also learn how I manifested $55,000 for myself out of the blue this summer, how I manifested the perfect building for the physical space of the Lumos collaborative, and how I funded the investment on a million dollar space. You’ll also learn how I released desire for a man I did fall hard for who I had a powerful energetic connection with, and how you actually can manifest a soul mate in this life—don’t give up on love yet—I can tell you exactly what to do to bring them to you. I know this works because I lived it, and my dreams started coming true BEFORE the end of my course.

As you consider which course is best for you, t’s important to be true about where you are before selecting a course. I could not manifest without building my esteem, so if you feel you have a lack mindset (examples might be: “This house is so messy,” or, “Ugh, my kids never listen,” or, “My boss will never give me a raise!” Or “Oh I don’t know if we have the money for this!” or, “Love just really isn’t for me,”) or are still stuck in limiting beliefs or adhere too closely to labels and judgements, then start with the 90-Days to Discover Your Highest Purpose course. You will free your soul and your mind to manifest with some real intention, and hey listen, if I can manifest a million dollar building while using light energy to intuitively collect evidence and build a case in an active stalker investigation, then trust me—I can help you manifest anything you desire. But you must know your value and that you deserve that life, and this course helps you do it. It teaches you to truly dial in, as my tattooist in Roatan, Foxy of Foxy’s Tattoos Roatan said,

“Protect your energy. Protect your energy at all costs.”

By the end of this course, you will be able to set healthy boundaries in a way that sits right with your soul.

My goal is to share bliss with everyone. I have been the victim of many hardships, some of which I brought onto myself, and some that befell me by fate—I have been widowed. I am a bereaved mother. I have struggled with addiction. I have struggled with disordered eating. I have struggled with body dysmorphia. I have struggled with perfectionism and imposter syndrome. I was cut off from my parents for nearly five years, and I have been utterly alone in the most wrenching of ways. I have been physically abused. I have been the victim of narcissistic abuse. I have been many things, and I am sure you have, too. But I still found it within me to discover myself and show up, so I can give you the wisdom, experience, passion, esteem, and sense of authority over your own life that I gleaned through thousands and thousands of hours of books, courses, therapy, journaling, meditation, yoga, and so much more.

My goal is to save you that time and the expenditure of those resources, so you can start living your purpose and your dream life now. The time is always NOW. You are on this site for a reason. You are looking for something for a reason. It is your soul that is calling to you and asking you to yes—invest in yourself. You always be glad you invested in yourself. I know this, too, because as I was manifesting opportunities for myself as a writer,

I got on Substack and discovered A Writer’s Room, which is having a conference at the end of October in Hollywood. The workshop was $1,000, I said, “I need $1,000 for this purpose,” and I manifested it. I knew I was to receive $3,500 from a crypto my late husband invested in and that the company was in bankruptcy. I’d entered into the proceedings a year earlier and had forgotten about it. Then, out of the blue, I got a communication from Bittrex that I could withdraw the holdings from the bankruptcy settlement. They were exactly $1,000 more than I’d anticipated. That, my loves, is how manifesting works, but it requires several intentional components, and that is what I teach and give you in 85 Days to Manifest Your Destiny. My dreams started kicking in before the deadline, and now I am living what I’ve been manifesting, and oh, how I want you to have this, too.

I smile at everyone and everything. I see only love. I bless my enemies. I grant grace to receive grace, but I also stand as a pilar for justice and the integrity of those who are marginilized or expoited or victimized. I know my strenght, and I know my power for it resides within the highest power. I have lived as David versus Goliath, and I know that by faith and the powers that I have been granted that my highest purpose is to lead people to this light and to show up with love and compassion. As a writer, I wield a mighty sword, but I only want to use it to grace and bless and give power to everyone who wishes to join me on this miraculous journey we call life.

Yes—after everything I’ve lived through—this is truly all miraculous. If you are despairing or feel that you have no hope or power, I am here for you, and I will walk beside you through this course and beyond.

You are me, and I am you, and what blesses me should bless you, too.